Kicking Negativity: Leeches

If you surround yourself with negativity, you are going to bring yourself negativity.

About two years ago, I made the decision that I was going to start saying no to things I did not want to do and spending my times in moments I didn’t want to be in. I decided to drop the individuals who were not supporting me, who didn’t benefit me in happiness, and who didn’t really understand or truly care about me.

This was the greatest choice of my life.

How to Kick Negativity: People Wise

I like to call those hazardous friends, coworkers, and family members leeches. Why? Because these individuals do a great job at stealing your happiness and taking away your life aka leeches suck your blood and so forth. Call them what you want, but identify them.

For me, it was the friend that I would call when I was having a terrible awful worse day of my life and they would make it about them. Some how some way their day was worse. You start a story, they have to top it. You’d open up to them about the most private items that you never told anyone and they would act like it never happened. I started realizing the places we hung out at was because they wanted to go there. And who drove? Me. I had said I didn’t want to go here and there, but eventually just gave in. Stress. The friend who complain about the boy then you’d give advice and she’d go back to him. Then make the same mistake with the next 4 boys. The friend who would tell you something and you clearly know they are lying through their teeth. I had a friend who I’d describe as a hypochondriac. Walking by a gun store, she’d be afraid gun powder was on her shoe. Walking through the grass, would be afraid the mildew was pesticides. This thoughts would keep her from living her life.

Honestly, having this problem is a real problem and I helped her a lot through this in my eyes. But she wouldn’t accept she had a problem and we consistently would end up arguing. And so, I stopped. I let her back in a year later and I was so far a different person while she was the same that it just didn’t work. She acted to me as she had known me, no confident, fragile, and just young…and I wasn’t any. I had grown.

There are countless reasons why this friend could be bringing you down; just take a look and see.

Co-workers- As a teacher, I had a coworker who actually told two of my students that I didn’t know what I was doing. I was a first year teacher; of course, I was a bit  of “I don’t know what I’m doing.” My students came and told me.

In the past, I would have taken it like a grain of salt, but not anymore. I waited until she asked some of my students to come and help her with her class (I have the older grades and she the youngest), and I went to see her instead. You see, she had also called my students disappointments for not knowing what Saints day it was. This I had mentioned to my principal who had a nice sit down with her.

And I said plan and simple, I don’t feel comfortable sending my students to you class room especially after you told my kids I didn’t know what I was doing.

She back pedaled, told me I was mistaken that it never happened. She was lying through her teeth. I see that as a common theme for negativity. This wasn’t something out of character for her as I was also criticized for wearing pants to back to school night and First Friday Mass. Oh and she told me my pants were too tight….like lady. No.

After this altercation, I didn’t have to worry about her. And at the end of the school year, I actually left teaching to see what else is out there in life for me.

Family- Family is a tricky situation. Growing up my mother was the queen of negativity. I don’t think she even realized it, but she wouldn’t ever say anything positive so of course, that means all I heard was “that looks weird on you.” “Fix your hair.” “Your getting fat” “Your too skinny.” Did she think positive things? I’m sure, but what I heard wasn’t and my father was no one to express feelings at all; that’s just how he was and I am the same way. As a teenager, this was hard and as I got into college and out living at home became a lot of fighting with my mother. I’d tell her I needed her to be positive or be different, and she’d say she wasn’t going to lie. I moved out. When I’d come visit her, sometimes the first thing she would say was a complaint or yelling at me for something..and I’d leave. It wasn’t until this happened a few times that she knocked it off and now our relationship is the best we had in years.  My extended family, I don’t really see. I have family members you couldn’t trust with your belongs and family members that really needed guidance. The individuals who need help or guidance, aren’t negative. They need support. But then we have the members who found out a family member passed away almost a year ago and failed to tell my father. That doesn’t fit well with me.

Maybe I am a little too over protective and need to let people have a chance, but their chances really ran up a long time ago in my eyes. I went from never standing up for myself; to never not. From crying about everything, to doing something about it.

By finding ways to “deal with” or eliminate these leeches, you in turn will be a more positive person. A lot of my new found confidence did come from working out (also a little over two years ago), but that was because I found something I could use to cope that was hurting my body. I found something positive. The friend I mentioned cutting out just couldn’t see me as healthy or better. Maybe because our friendship became closer due to an eating disorder we both shared.

Let negativity hang with negativity & leave the shadows behind you as you face the sun.

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