Waiting on the Wind to Tell My Side

The title I have published above is a lyric from “The Longest Wave,” off of the RHCP newest album. It has easily become one of my favorite song. Do I know exactly what the song is about? No. I know it was written about a relationship coming to an end. To me, it is about a relationship I had with myself coming to an end.  I interpret it how I please…because music is art and that’s the beauty of it.

For years, I waited on the wind to tell my side.

You do not need to be alone.

Growing up, I let paper hear my pain. I let my pillow absorb the sounds of my pain. I let my body internalize all I couldn’t bare to share. And so, I let everyone else create their own image of me.

I let society decide who I was from their perspective. I let my classmates judge me based on my handy down clothing and nameless brands. I let anyone judge me for my swollen eyes and greasy hair. I let others be the reason why I acted out, when it was because of myself. I let myself fit into the category family had believed I fit in. Some knew where I fit, but none knew had deeply I hid my story.

My voice was stuck inside of me until I found my now husband who my voice would not actually reach. He’d notice my distraught behavior and then he’d receive an email. Yes, an email. We were young…texting was not something I had and so I emailed my hidden truths. Writing was how I told him of my grandmother’s passing after spending hours with him. Writing was my way to choose to keep it with myself or press send. It was my way to sneak it under his pillow or to him before class.

Yet, some items and some troubles I didn’t want to feel. And so, I “waited on the wind to tell my side.”

I thought was side wasn’t valid. It was too dramatic. It was too different than others. It wasn’t worth expressing. I’d go running for miles and miles letting my mind run over and over situations. I’d feel more in line with nature than I did with my own peers. I’d know the feeling of every step on the path; I’d recognize a branch out of place. I’d know the comforting embrace of the chilled air in my lunges. The truth of my journey was living within my mind and within the ground I ran on.

Today I am no longer waiting on the wind. You don’t need to feel like you are alone in life. You don’t need to think that no one understands because if there is one thing I know that  I didn’t before, is that there is someone out there that will understand. You can’t let yourself handle the weight yourself. You need a “spotter” if you will. I know my corny powerlifting term.

But it is true, you need someone to watch out for you, to take the weight if you need it. They make sure you don’t fall. This person is out there. Hell, I’m here. Message me. I never want anyone to feel they are in this world alone.

You do not need to be alone.

More and more each day I have gained confidence to speak my emotions. More and more have I realized that helping to fix my anxiety and fears is through fully committing to the truth. Even typing this makes me feel vulnerable; it makes me think that my worries “not bad enough” to feel the way I do. The thoughts of “get over yourself” or “others have it worse off.” But these very thoughts are why I never opened up and why I allowed myself to constantly go in and out of happiness.

It is not fair to myself. It is not fair to my husband. It is not fair to myself.

I know I typed that twice because I need to believe it.

I am telling my side and it is liberating. 

You were put here for a reason. You came to life for a reason. You have a purpose even if it is not clear for you. Have a voice. Have confidence as hard it is. Don’t give up & let your story be heard. Let the wind carry it to the ears of all for the wind will not tell your story to anyone. You are the only one who can do that.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s